Parent Roles

Parent Roles: Getting Back to the Basics 

Imagine finding yourself in the middle of a busy intersection. While the image is unsettling, the harsh sounds and pressure to find safety is worse. You make a decision, choose a direction, and muster the courage to move swiftly to the sidewalk. You look up, no longer afraid, but you cannot escape the lingering, visceral feeling of being unsettled. Then you look down. To your surprise, you are not alone. Your child is by your side. There is relief in knowing you are both safe, but it is fleeting as the next challenge emerges. Safety does not mean stillness. Now, faced with a sea of choices, you stand on a sidewalk filled with street vendors, vivid colors, and enticing opportunities. For a moment, you feel optimism and joy—your child does too. Then comes the real dilemma: When do I say yes? When do I say no? Should we try and see them all, or is it better to focus on one? 

Most jobs come with a list of roles and responsibilities. Parenting does not, but we seem to acquire them. Parenting is already challenging—why add unnecessary complexity? Think about this for a moment. What would your list look like if you wrote out your roles as a parent? Now, imagine narrowing it down to just three essential roles. Some might feel relief, others might argue against it, and some may feel uneasy. Regardless, give yourself permission to embrace this freedom.  

Distractions and competing responsibilities have pulled us away from our foundational roles as parents. We may know these roles intrinsically, but we sometimes take them for granted. Of course, I love my child. Of course, they love me. That is not the point. The point is to make these roles visible priorities, allowing other decisions and opportunities to follow naturally. Commonly parents describe themselves as "overstimulated" and taking on the role of house manager. I get it— I find myself in that role too. However, the problem arises when we lose sight of our core responsibilities and feel pressured to do more. When caught in the whirlwind of daily life, it can be difficult to step back and see clearly.  

So, what are these foundational roles? 

Take a moment to consider this. What do you believe is at the core of parenting? While every parent may frame it differently, certain guiding principles remain universal: to love, to teach, and to protect. 

These three roles create a foundation from which children can accept, trust, and learn. 

Erik Erikson once said, "Parents who are faced with the development of children must constantly live up to a challenge. They must develop with them." Parenting is not about rigid definitions but rather about evolving with your child. Protecting means ensuring safety, teaching means helping them navigate life’s lessons, and loving means providing unconditional support. 

To be clear, no one—myself included—can define your role as a parent. I am not here to define it for you—that is for you to decide. Parenting cannot be neatly categorized, nor can its responsibilities be assigned numerical values. In relationships, we frequently talk about compromise—your relationship with your child is no different. A compromise does not mean losing oneself. It also does not meant losing sight of our core values and responsibilities. While parenting inevitably involves some sacrifices, shifting our perspective to compromise allows us to create space for both ourselves and our children to grow. So, when you face those moments—and you surely will—when parenting feels like a harsh, relentless sacrifice, try reframing it as a commitment to openness and flexibility. True parenting is not about doing more—it is about focusing on what truly matters.